Noel: Getting the dirt and a little extra.

At least this round was a bit easier then the last one. I still can't believe I had to do that.... It was..... a.... traumatic experience. I really don't want to even think about it, so PLEASE don't ask.

As for this round like I said it was easier, for the most part. I had a hard time trying to find a disguise that worked for me. I mean, I'm blue with cat like futures. It's not like I can put on a trench coat and a hat to hide in the crowd. But I managed by hiding and followed the ones I had selected, around. I also made a few spy probes to help me get footage and pictures.

Probe:

Me hiding:



I decided to follow around Lex Luthor first.



I met him when I was in the Amazing Mutant Race 3 game. I just had this weird feeling that he couldn't be trusted.

And what I found was interesting. First of all He is not a true bald... he shaves.





Another thing:




Yup that's him playing a guitar and singing. In fact I have a clip with him doing some talk show and he plays a song.

Warning: NOT FOR LITTLE EARS.



I also found out he is an amateur stripper.




I didn't find out a whole lot more, so I decide to do one more. Jar Jar Binks.




I know him because he often comes to my Space Resort, Sky City.I know from personal experience that Jar Jar is a bit of an alcoholic.


He can down several of those and a few shots in one sitting. And if you think he is annoying sober, you should deal with him when he is drunk. Too bad I don't have any footage of that. But I do have clips of what he has been up too lately.



I think he is trying out for some dance contest or something.

And here he is doing an odd day job.



Advertising Garage Sales.

Well that's about all I have on these two. I would have done more but I have ran out of time.

I know these next two clips have nothing to do with with the contest, but I wanted to share these anyway. They remind me of home.


Yoda, sung by a guy named Weird Al


and Saga Begins, by the same guy.



Hope you enjoy.

Operation: China Plate

It was quite an easy plan. Make Tony Stark my China Plate. I don't mean turn him into dinnerware. I mean make him my mate. No I don't mean that either. I mean, to become a good friend of Tony's. Then I mean to get him good and drunk and get him to tell me some sordid tale of super heroes gone wrong. Or better than that the Wasp's phone number. What! The Wasp puts out everyone knows that, c'mon she did Hawkeye.

I had to make sure that it was going to work in my favour so I called in some help.
"Hi! This is Crater. Koma said you were good for some help. I've got to get some dirt on Tony Stark."
"You need to bring Stark down. Count me in." agreed Henchy.

Henchy had a great plan he called in a favour from MODOK.
"How'd you get MODOK in on this?" I asked
"Ahh! once you get him a lap dance he'll do anything." answered Henchy.

'What Lap?'

So MODOK and some AIM flunkies attacked the SHIELD Heli-carrier. Sure enough Stark in his Iron-man suit came out leading the attack. Acting as a tourist who just came upon this battle I offered my assistance. We wiped the floor with the AIM flunkies and after MODOK had escaped Tony came to thank me for my assistance.
"Are you registered?" asked Tony.

"Hey in my country they've had registration for years." I answered showing Tony my Spearhead card.

Then the devious plan kicked into gear. Tony took his helmet off and Henchy who'd been playing possum launched himself at Stark.
"Got you now Stark." screamed Henchy. He grabbed hold of Stark and pointed a blaster at his head.
Then it all went wrong.
"BLAM" Starks head now sported a large hole in it.
"Yeah I got him! I killed Stark!" Henchy screamed in joy. He did a little victory dance and then the SHIELD goons grabbed him. He got loose of the goons and raced off, his cybernetic legs carrying him far into the distance.

"All clear. Yes he's gone sir. Henchman432 took the bait and attacked the LMD. The plan was a complete success." confirms one of the SHIELD goons. "Mr Schnieder the Director will see you now."

Of course it was all a plan to get the confidence of Stark. I'm glad I rang Henchy I would never have come up with this.
Stark thanks me for the tip-off on Henchy and MODOK's attack. He offers me a job as part of his bodyguard. I'm in. Yesssss!
Now you may ask what its like to be in the ontourage of Tony Stark. Its like the President, Bill Gates and George Clooney all rolled into one. He's got the politicians, businessmen and movie stars all eating out of his hands. Every Thursday night is a party and it don't stop till Sunday. Work hard, play hard thats Starks motto.

On Friday night Stark calls me over to his table. He was lounging with one of those Armour groupies. He gestures for me to follow him. Leading me into one of the spare rooms he removes the helmet.
"I'm needed elsewhere. Can you wear the armor for me?" he asks. And then whispers "The girls can't tell who's in it."
"You mean. I could. The girls... whooo! Cause they'll think its you." I sputter out.
"There's only two rules here Warren. Keep off the booze and if you do sleep with the girls keep the armour on. Also if you need some assistance there's some BLUE pills in the armor." He winks. I change into the armor and the nights on.
Party party party, hawt chicks, and well the occasional beer or three. Hey I can hold my beer, I'm Australian.

Then comes the hunger. I'm dying for a kebab. Its a weakness that only comes when I've had just the right amount of beer. I take the party to the closest kebab store. The armor actually plots the fastest course there. Tony your a genius. The armor doesn't have much of an opening for food but with some help I manage to get the kebab down.

However keeping it down was a problem. I think they put a little too much Garlic Sauce. You know how I said that the armor doesn't have enough of an opening to eat. It certainly doesn't have enough to puke either. And I found out the hard way. Of course I didn't realise that wherever Stark is there are camera's so the Daily Bugle's front page was as follows.

Its not real dirt but its dirt.

This was Stark's response when he read the Bugle the next morning.

Jan: It's A Noir Day

I was sitting alone in my office late at night. The room smelled of old whiskey and stale cigarettes, but mostly it smelled of failure. I crushed one more cigarette butt into the already full glass ashtray and poured myself one more shot.

My name’s O’Mega, Jan O’mega. I’m a private eye, but apparently not a very good one right now. Sure taking peepshow shots of cheating husbands will pay a few bills, but it’s not enough for a down payment to get my soul back.

I lifted the glass and gave a quiet toast to nobody in particular when he walked in. All six foot one of him.

“My name is John Crichton, an astronaut. I’m looking for a dick,” he said as I looked him over. Wow, he had legs that went all the way up and then back down again.

“A lot of people are,” I answered huskily as I put the shot glass and flask in my desk drawer – the same drawer that contains my only friend, all .38 calibers of him.

“I mean I need help,” he sauntered close to me. The flashing from the hotel sign outside bathed his face in a red glow. Off and on, off and on it would flash.

“Of course,” I replied. He was trouble all right, I could tell. He might have been trouble, but he was also in trouble.

“I’m missing a friend.” He held up a picture. She was gorgeous, with thick dark hair and gams that would make a priest beg for buttermilk.

“Just a friend, eh?” Something smells fishy, and it ain’t the JJ Fish Market down the street.

“Yeah, she’s a friend. Her name’s Aeryn Sun.” He leaned closer and I could smell the mint on his breath. I could also smell the desperation. What’s the mint covering? What is he covering? “Last I heard, she was talking about the return of the King. She knew something about it and I think it scared her. Scared her bad.”

“Yeah, well yah got any leads?” As much as I’d like to sit there and look at his baby blues all night, I’m going to need something to go on if I can find his pally.

“Yeah, last night she said to meet me at the roof of the parking garage across from Club Flamingo. It’s in Chinatown, you know where it is?”

“Does a pig roll in its own filth?”

“Uh, I dunno,” he shrugged.

“Yeah,” I snapped back at him. “Yeah I know where it is. I’ll go there and look for clues. How do I get in touch with you?”

“Don’t worry,” he smiled a cocky, crooked smile. “I’ll be in touch with you.”

I watched his hips sway as he turned and glided out the door. “Damn,” I shook my head and reached for one more belt of whiskey.

* * *

The dark street glistened from the recent rainstorm as a lone taxi drove past, nearly splashing me from a puddle.

“Hey watchit!” I yelled. Then muttered under my breath “Wiseass.”

Thinking about how nice retirement would be right now, I trotted across the street and up into the parking garage. There was an out of order sign hanging from the elevator, so I hoofed it up to the top of the garage. All 6 flights. I got to the roof and as I crunched across its surface, something caught my eye. I bent down to pick up a scrap of paper and read the inscription on it. TheKing@curuscant.gov.

“Interesting.” I nodded thoughtfully.

“I’ve got a message from the King,” A voice behind me said.

I turned and looked. Before I could say anything else, the man yelled and fired wildly at me with his Tommy gun.

I dove for cover behind a convenient air conditioning unit, when the din of his weapon ceased, I strained to see who fired at me.

“I couldn’t hear what that message was,” I yelled out. “Can you say it again without all that noise?”

I looked around the corner but didn’t see him there at all.

“I said you’re snoopin’ where you shouldn’t be,” the man said from behind me as he tapped my shoulder with the barrel his weapon. “The King doesn’t like people like you sniffing around his business.”

“This King,” I said without moving a muscle. “He from around here?”

“Not hardly,” the gunman laughed. “He’s from a place far away. Far, far away.”

“So what’s he doing around here, then?” I asked. If I could get him to keep yapping, I just might get out of here alive.

“Let’s just say he likes weapons,” he chuckled. “The bigger, the better.”

“Yeah, but why would the King want to come all the way here if he’s got a whole galaxy of weapons and tech to choose from?” Keep it steady, girl.

“Who said he does?” he laughed. “Besides. Everyone there thinks he’s dead. He wants to return with a big bang. A really big bang.”

Quickly, I spun my heel and knocked the gun from his hand. He growled as I spun again and sprung to my feet. He lunged at me, but I popped him in the jaw for his effort.

“Heh, nice,” he smiled as he rubbed his jaw. “You got one, that’s the only one you’re gonna get.”

“Let’s do this, tubby,” I egged. Maybe I can get him mad, mad enough to make a mistake.

“Why you dirty whore!” Evidently my plan worked as he swung wildly at me again. I could hear cartilage crack as I punched him in the nose.

He stumbled back and tumbled over the wall of the roof. Yelling for his life, he just managed to grab a handhold to prevent his fall. I dove to grab him.

“I thought the King was dead,” I growled as I tried to haul him up. “Where is he?”

“Ha ha, you are a stupid bitch,” he sneered. “You’ll soon find out!”

He grabbed me by the neck and squeezed. I could taste iron on my tongue as white spots began to dance in front of my eyes. He began to haul himself up on his other arm as he continued to choke me from this unusual position. I was about to collapse, but I managed to grab his thumb and gain leverage on it. I peeled his claw off my neck.

“See you in Hel,” I gurgled, then punched him in the eye, sending him plummeting six stories to the wet street below. As I leaned on the wall to steady myself, I heard a woman scream. Several people then ran up to the gunman’s body and began looking up the side of the building.

* * *

Hoping to avoid the rubberneckers on the street, I ducked into the alley after I got back down to ground level. Unfortunately, I wasn’t alone.

“Are you Jan O’Mega?” A voice rumbled deeply from the shadows.

“Who wants to know?”

“Call me,” he paused for effect. “Deep Throat.”

“Deep Throat? Ew, that’s so gross. What is it with you creeps?”

“No, not like Deep Throat as in the movie,” he answered. “Deep Throat like from Watergate. I’m here to give you information.”

“Whatever, perv.”

“I’m serious,” his deep voice insisted. “I have all the info, there is a conspiracy and it reaches to large group of important and influential figures on this planet.”

“Oh, you mean like the Illuminati?” I answered. “What’s it to them?”

“Not the Illuminati.” I could see cigarette smoke wafting from where his mouth most likely was. “But I must warn you, it’s deep and it if you blow the cover off this. Six. A lot of important people will go down.”

“Why did you just say six?” I asked.

“What? I didn’t,” he insisted. But then I saw his shadowy head move around distractedly, as if something only he could see was just off his shoulder guiding his words. “Six? No, no, I certainly didn’t say that. Truly.”

“Right,” I said. Then I reached out and grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him into the light. “You! Wait, who are you?”

“All right, fine,” he straightened himself out and held up a picture. “I’m Dr. Gaius Baltar and I’m looking for my sister. Six.”

“Your sister’s name is Six?” I asked. “Funny, I just talked to a friend of hers who said her name was Aeryn Sun.”

“Sun, Sun,” he stammered. “That’s her name. The thing is, I know where she is, but I can’t get to her. Six!”

“Is she far?”

“Six,” he said, then he cleared his throat. “Six hectares.”

“The only thing that’s six hectares away is the moon.”

“You got something that can get there?”

“Yeah, I’ve got something,” I said with a smile.

* * *

The Pegasus Elite roared through the skies heading towards the moon. Baltar was sitting in the copilot seat twitching and muttering to himself. I couldn’t trust him, not by a long shot. That’s why he was sitting there next to me.

“There!” he exclaimed. “On the Dark Side of the moon!”

“Is that another moon?” I couldn’t believe it.

“That’s no moon,” he gasped. “That’s a battle station.”

“And it’s got us,” I said as a tractor beam latched onto my ship and hauled us into the belly of this giant beast.

After my ship’s landing gear clanged to the deck, I got up and casually walked out of my ship. Baltar followed nervously.

“You think it’s safe?” he twittered.

“Nope,” I replied. “But all of the answers are here.”

We stepped onto the deck and found ourselves face to face with a dozen Imperial Stormtroopers.

“Looks like quite a party,” I mumbled. “So who’s gonna take us to the host?”

“Tell me one good reason why you shouldn’t be shot right where you stand?” an officer said as he stalked up to us.

“Because I know about the Return of the King,” I bluffed.

The officer stopped short and turned to speak into his commlink.

“OK, he will see you,” the officer answered after a moment.

I looked surprised at Baltar and he looked the same back at me. We followed the officer into the lift though, and soon found ourselves crossing a short catwalk into a throne room and facing a cloaked figure. He was flanked by armed guards as well as Aeryn Sun.

“What do you know of the Return of the King?” he spat.

“I guess he’s making a comeback,” I shrugged. “Funny, I thought he was dead.”

“Oh I am afraid you are mistaken,” he sneered back. “About a great, many things.”

“So why Earth?” I pressed. “I’d imagine this is a long way to go for just a few nukes. I’d imagine you could get those just about anywhere.”

“You really don’t know do you?” The contempt in his voice filled the throne room. “I don’t want crude nuclear weapons, I want something more. Illudium Phosdex!”

“Illudium what?” I asked.

“Isn’t that the shaving cream atom?” Baltar added.

“Oh it is that, and so much more,” the King sneered. “These puny people don’t understand the destructive power that they hold in their very hands, that’s why I’ve contacted the captains of the industry of this planet: Tony Stark, Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor… they will all sell me their world’s supply of shaving cream and I will dominate my galaxy with it!”

“And what’s her stake in this?” I said, indicating to Aeryn.

“I go where the action is,” she replied coolly.

“You know you’ve got someone looking for you,” I answered.

“Really?” she replied with a bit of surprise. She quickly regained her composure. “I don’t care.”

“Yeah well, maybe my bank account cares,” I answered. “Maybe I care. Maybe all the kids down there on that planet care. You got a kid?”

“Yes,” she answered quietly. Her lips quivered a bit. “John and I…”

“It doesn’t matter,” the King snarled. “This galaxy doesn’t matter, that thing you called a husband doesn’t matter! All that matters is that I get back to my galaxy with the Illudium Phosdex!”

“Alright, that’s it!” one of the red armored guards growled. He swung his vibroblade at the other guard who fell down in a shower of sparks. The sentinel tore off his crimson mask, revealing himself to be Crichton, then pulled a pistol from his cloak and aimed it at the King. “Pruneface, you and I are gonna dance.”

“John!” Aeryn called out.

“Foolish human!” the King spat. “Your weapon is useless against me!”

Purple lighting reigned from the King’s fingertips and Crichton crumpled to the ground yelling in pain.

“Hold it, sucker!” I yelled as I pulled my own pistol.

“You will die next, interloper!” he spun a hand at me and lightning arced across the air and slammed into me. I fired a shot before I went down and it hit his shoulder. He stumbled but continued his onslaught against us.

“No!” Aeryn yelled. She lunged herself at the King and threw him over the railing. She collapsed as he plummeted screaming into the chasm below.

“Aeryn!” John yelled. He picked himself up and stumbled over to her.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she said as they embraced. “When I got word that he was planning something on Earth, I knew I had to go undercover and stop it.”

“It’s OK, it’s OK,” he replied softly. “We’re back together, that’s all that matters. Hail to the King, baby.”

The two kissed passionately as I picked myself up off the deck.

“Forget it Jan,” Baltar said as he helped me steady myself. “It’s Chinatown.”

Opps

Everyone here thinks I’m going to spy on Chancellor Palpatine. I’m not. He is a mentor and a friend, not to mention that would be that would be treason. However, if Superman thinks Jar Jar Binks is a part of sinister plot I can find out.

Jar Jar works for my girl as an aide, so he is easy to find. I haven’t seen him a few months, so as soon as I walk in-

“ANNNNIIIEEEE!” And tackles me in a hug.

“Hi, Jar Jar,” I said, untangling myself from him. “You got a few minutes? I need to talk to you.”

“Meesa always got timeo for yousa, Ani!” He waves me inside is his office. A very nice office I might add. He has come a long way from the swamps of Naboo, even if his basic is still way off. “Whatya need, Annie?”

“Are you involved in any shady dealings?”

His tongue fell out. “Meesa? Meeas work all the timeo for Miss Padme, meesa got no timeo to wash behind my ears! Whys you asksin?”

“Someone thinks you are.”

He blinks and looks down at the desk, then back at me. “Ohhhhhh… “

I followed his eyes. On his desk was a holo picture of him and pretty girl. I picked it up.

“Who is this, Jar Jar?” I asked.

“Meesa girlfriend. Filomena.”

Filomena. Where have I heard that name before? Wait… My head snapped up. “Filomena, the exotic dancer bounty hunter?”

He nodded. “Meesa met her at your secret bachelor part-“

I slapped a hand over his mouth. “Shhh! Still a secret,” I snapped. “Padme doesn’t know about that.” I had to smile. “You stud!” Jar Jar blushed. “Is she still bounty hunting?”

Rapid nods. “Uh-huh. Meesa don’t seea her mucho.” Jar Jar grabbed my arm and hopped. “Meesa not doing anything, mesas swears!”

That cleared that up. He wasn’t involved with anything unhanded. Filomena might be, but not him. I calmed him down. “I know but I had to ask.”

“Shea coming over, yousa can met her again!”

Uh. Not a good idea. She might remember me. “No, that’s alright. I need to go.”

I left quickly.

So not real dirt on Jar Jar but some on myself. Don’t spread that around, alright? That party was not my idea.

Skywalker Out.

Challenge 5

Smoke fills the room as the contestants wait for the next challenge. After everyone coughs and blow the smoke out with the fan inside the meeting room they find. A faceless man has entered the room with them.



Jan: What the Where did he come from?

Crater : I think I know him. An obscure American capes and tights guy, but this bloke is supposed to be dead.

?: Actually I don't do spandex. As for my death. Did I die? Or did I fake that ? That is the Question.

Crater : That's right the Question!

Jan: Where's his face? What is he?


Noel: He's just a human wearing an odd mask. Why are you here?


?: Well you see Superman is off fighting whatever alien invasion has happened this week, , the producers called me because apparently what I want to do with my time isn't important. But you see you will help me with my work.



Skywalker: What kind of work do you do weirdo?

? : Anakin Skywalker. Married to an important politician, which would be a huge scandal if anyone in your galaxy discovered that. Mostly because your order is supposed to be chaste. That and you use way too much hair product.


Skywalker: Yo.. Whut? How did you... Are you going through my trash?

?: Don't be ridiculous.


Skywalker: Good because....

?: I go through everyone's trash.

Skywalker:.......

?: Your challenge this week is to dig up some dirt on public figures. I believe these people are part of a conspiracy I have been following. Tony Stark, Lex Luthor Bruce Wayne, Senator Palpatine, and Jar Jar Binks. What I want you to do is go under cover and bring me any information on one of these people as possible. You can do the investigation any way you wish.

Jan: What if we find that these people are doing something wacky?

?: Tell me I need a good laugh.

Announcement

it seems the contestant Noel has had a problem with one of the patients. And as such Was unable to give us her account of it. That being the case This shall Be a non elimination round.


The next challenge will be given this evening or tonight.

Jan: Won't you take me to Crazy Town?

“Very nice to meet you, I’m Doc Samson.” The jade-haired psychiatrist raised one eyebrow, looked me up and down, and smiled. “My you have a strong handshake.”

“Who me? Oh I don’t think so, tee hee hee,” I giggled as I shook his hand.

“Oh yeah,” he continued to leer at me. “I’ve got to tell you, I consider myself a good judge of character and you are something all right.”

“Oh you’re too much,” I tittered.

“So, maybe after we’re through here we could maybe go get a cup of coffee or something?” He aimed his thumb towards the door, making sure to flex his muscles along the way.

“Gee, I don’t know. I don’t think I can,” I giggled. “I’m a contestant and all.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said. “In fact, I even gave you an easy inmate to make sure we can skip out of here quick.”

“Really? You did? Aw, that’s so sweet.” I didn’t buy Fabio’s nice guy act for a second, but hey if it gets me out of here any quicker, I’ll take it.

“Yeah, so just head down that hall and he’s the last one on the left.”

“Wow, you’re such a guy.” I punched him in the arm playfully, then took the clipboard that had the patient’s name on it. “I can’t wait to help out Mr. Knight here.”

I walked down the hall looking at the rooms containing inmates, the rooms were colored in all kind of crazy:

“I’m the Ambush Bug! I ambush people and bug ‘em, hee hee!”

“I’m the Badger, I badger people. Ha ha, get it?”

“Hello Clarice….”

Finally, I reached the end of the hall. I looked and saw the man who I would have to help. He stood rigid in his room as if he was guarding something.

“Dane Whitman, I presume?”

He stood silent, not moving a muscle.

“My name is Jan the Intergalactic Aviator and I’m here to talk to you today.” I looked down at the clipboard containing his bio.

He remained steadfast in the center of his room.

“Ok, then, I think that I’ll just sit over here until you’re ready to talk.” I moved towards his bunk.

“None shall pass.”

“What?” I looked at him.

“None shall pass.”

“I have no quarrel with you, Black Knight,” I replied. “I’m here to help. Remember? We can just talk, but I must cross your room.”

“Then you shall die.”

“Please, just stand aside,” I asked.

“I move for no man. Er, or woman.”

“So be it,” I said and tried to shove my way past him. Yeah, I know, getting physical with a patient here probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I felt that I needed to establish dominance in this situation. He wouldn’t talk to me until I proved that I could stand up to him and all that.

He responded by drawing a weapon out of his scabbard. It wasn’t a sword, though. It was shorter and wooden. He swung wildly at me with it, I dodged and judo chopped him in the left arm, hitting his nerve and immobilizing the whole arm.

“Now, stand aside, worthy adversary,” I commanded.

“’Tis but a scratch!”

“A scratch?” I couldn’t believe it. “Your arm is dead.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Well what’s that then?” I pointed to his arm dangling limply at his side.

“I’ve had worse.”

“You liar!” I snapped back in unbelief. “Come on, that’s not even a sword, that’s a tongue depressor.”

“Come on, you pansy! Ahhhhhhh!”

He charged me wildly and I sidestepped once again. I chopped at his right arm this time and immobilized it. He stood there blankly with his two arms flopping around.

“Victory is mine,” I said. “Now let’s just sit down and talk, hey!”

“Hah!” The Black Knight kicked me. “Come on, then!”

“What?” The Black Knight kicked me ineffectually as he had to deal with his inability to balance himself without the use of his arms.

“Have at you!”

“You are indeed brave, Black Knight,” I said as he tried to kick me again. “But the fight is mine.”

“Oh, had enough, eh?”

“Look you stupid bastard,” I said. “You don’t have any arms.”

“Yes I have.” He twisted his torso back and forth which caused his arms to comically flop around.

“Look!”

“Just a flesh wound!”

“Look, stop that,” I said as he kicked me again.

“Chicken! Chickennn!”

“Look, I’ll do the same to your leg.” He kicked me again. “Ok then.”

I karate chopped his right leg and he nearly tumbled over without the use of it. He continued to attack though, hopping towards me with his paralyzed limbs flailing spastically.

“Right. I’ll do you for that!”

“You’ll what?” I can’t believe this guy.

“Come here!”

“What are you going to do, bleed on me?” Yeah, I know he’s not bleeding right now, but he will be if he keeps this up.

“I’m invincible!”

“You’re a looney,” I retorted.

“The Black Knight always triumphs! I have the Ebony Blade! Have at you! Come on, then!”

He again bumped into me with his ineffectual attack. I responded by attacking the nerve in his good leg. He crumpled to the ground in a heap.

“Oh? All right, we’ll call it a draw.”

“Very well,” I replied. “Tell me about your childhood…”

Operation Visit the Insane

Needless to say, I was disappointed when Superman handed me the paper with who I was supposed to see. Morph. It wasn’t very original, because Morph had appeared in the challenge announcement.

But he said, “But you and Morph have so much in common!” Sure… Fine. That’s okay. I’ll take the shape shifter. I got dressed in my ridiculous outfit, and I rounded up the Apocalypse Ponies, and I headed towards the Insane Asylum.

When I saw the place, it made me shiver. When I got to the front desk the secretary raised her eyebrow, “Who are you to see?”

I handed her the sheet of paper with Morph’s name on it. She raised her eyebrow again, “Before you can see Morph, you need to tell me two things that I can use to determine whether you’re really you or not. What are these things?”

I showed her my tattoo that was on my shoulder, and then I held my throat, and opened my mouth, “You’ve got a tattoo and you’re mute. Check. What are you ‘Super Powers’ or ‘Mutant Powers’?”

I shifted forms into an exact copy of her, using a burst of nature magic, “Cute,” she said, “You’re clear to go in.” I shifted to the form of Rapier’s dead wife. (Short Explanation: Rapier is my goddaughter’s uncle. And my ‘daughter’ ‘s sister’s husband. He was married long, long before he met her. However I found a single strand of her hair, and I caught her DNA and now I use her form when I need to delegate.)



I entered Morph’s room, it was a lovely little rubber-tight cell where he couldn’t change forms and get out of. The guards locked the door behind me, and I sat down in front of him.



“Hello,” he said in a high pitched annoying voice.

“Hello,” I whispered, “I’m sure you know why I am here.”

“You’re here to play!” he said, “How long are you in for?”

“Oh… I don’t know Morph.”

“Ah-while, I imagine.”

“What did you just say?”

“Ah-while.”

“Do you mean awhile?”

“Yeah, Ah-while.”

“Awhile?”

“Ah-while.”

“Awhile.”

“Ah-while.”

“Ah-while,” I shook my head, “Now you got me saying it!”

“Ehehehehehehe…What’s your power, Tawny?”

“What did you just call me?”

“Tawny… So, what’s your power?”

“I’m a shapeshifter.”

“Really… I’ll name someone, you change into them.”

“Then I’ll do the same, it will pass the time.”

He yelled, “Ellen Ripley!”



I said, “Albert Einstein!”



He yelled, “Samo Hung!”



I said, “Madmartigan!”



He yelled, “Amy Lee!”



I yelled, “Vincent Price!”



He yelled, “Morph!”



I yelled, “Thousand Faces!”



He yelled, “Help me! He’s going crazy!”

Uh-oh. I was just outsmarted by not only Morph, but a crazy man.

The guards came in and grabbed me shoving me to the ground while Morph in my form ran out, “Its not me, its’ her, she’s me, and I’m her. He’s in my form, and I’m in his.”

“Sure you are Morph… Whatever…”

I stood up, and shifted back, and I held my hands out and signed something out, “Whatever Morph…”

That’s when the secretary came in holding Morph in my form, “It’s her, she’s Morph.” He yelled pointing at me.

“No, let the one whose not saying anything out.”

I stepped out of the room, Morph trapped safely in it, and the secretary looked at me, “That took Ah-while.”

I shrugged and walked by her, I gave her a light hug before heading out.

If all else fails, the Secretary is the only person who can get anything done, and get it done right. The Apocalypse ponies were chasing Poison Ivy outside. I gathered them and took them back. Some Super pets they where.

Operation Visit the Insane - Failure!