Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Jan in Space

Earth 2 Superman explained to us that for our next challenge, we had to fight off an alien invasion.

No problem, I thought. My ship the Pegasus Elite can fly circles around just about anything that’s in space.

The thing that I don’t quite get though is why is it that the Superman who has been around longer and is older is from Earth 2? Wouldn’t you think that he was from Earth 1? Who’s in charge of designating these Earths anyways? On second thought, I don’t want to know -- it's probably some giant space creature that eats planets or something. I just want to kick a little butt on this challenge and collect my paycheck. Does that sound a little too mercenary? I don’t want to sound like one of those people who only care about the money, but that is my primary reason for being here. My other reason is to ask Blockade Boy out on a date, he is built. Built like a brickwall, ha ha, I can’t believe I just said that. What the heck is your problem Jan? Do you want him to think you’re an idiot? Oooh, he just looked at me and then looked away, did he notice me? Oh he’d never go for a gal like me, we’re from two different worlds: I’m an intergalactic aviator just trying to get by in this crazy universe and he’s a former member of the Legion of Superheroes and a roughish space pirate with a booty to die for. Did I just say a booty to die for? Oh brother.

I better just get out of here before everyone thinks I’m a Stenarian Space Loon. These invaders can’t be all that tough if they’re sending a bunch of game show contestants out to stop them. I’ll just zip up into space and dispatch their mothership with a few well-aimed blasts of my--

My…

Oh my God! Daleks! Daleks everywhere and they’re heading straight towards Earth. OK, OK, my plan still stand as it is. Take out the mothership, then mop up everything left.

I quickly fly towards the largest ship, evading and dodging the others around me. These invading vessels are sleek and powerful, but I think I’ve got something for them.

“Enemy vessel, cease your aggression against the Dalek fleet.” The cylindrical image of a Dalek appeared on my viewscreen. “Power down your vessel, you will be exterminated.”

“No way, José ,” I snapped back as I flipped my ship between two of their ships, who wound up firing wildly at each other trying to shoot me. “I’m taking you out, and by out I don’t mean out to dinner. No offense or anything, but I’m just not into slimy alien mutants encased in giant coffee cans. I hope you understand.”

“Your words make no sense,” the creature grated in reply. “You will be exterminated! Exterminate! Exterminate!”

“You sure do know how to make a girl feel special,” I said back. “And I’m sure you’ll get a bang out of this!”

I fired two proton torpedoes at the large ship and it was quickly engulfed in an explosion. As the fire dissipated, however, I saw that the ship remained, intact, still floating in space.

“Your weapons are useless. You will be exterminated,” the tinny voice echoed across my speakers.

“Well you can’t blame a gal for trying.” OK, this is it. I have no other choice, I have one multi-warhead warp missile and I’m going to have to use it. A multi-warhead warp missile is, of course, highly illegal. Getting one is almost impossible, but of course I know a guy who knows a guy, yadda yadda yadda, I have one onboard the Pegasus Elite.

“Exterminate! Exterminate!” the Dalek announced through the comm system. I swooped around with fire from their ships arcing right behind me. I lined up, aimed, and coolly squeezed the trigger. The torpedo rocketed out of the launch tube and sailed straight at the large ship. It impacted with the shields, the warp engine engaged and the warheads deployed. Explosions from the warheads rocked the ship which was quickly engulfed in one last immense explosion.
“Now for the Daleks on Earth,” I said grimly as I aimed the ship back towards the planet.

4 comments:

Crater said...

You destroyed the Daleks without a sonic screwdriver.

Thats inconceivable!

Spider-man said...

Explosions are fun in space, but the government tends to get mad when you blow things up on the surface... Good luck, I hope you have insurance.

Jan the Intergalactic Aviator said...

Oh, I'm not finished yet, Crater!

Jeremy Rizza said...

Jan, you're a very nice person, but my heart belongs to Weight Wizard. However, I know a guy named Tusker who is "on the market" as the kids like to say. Just give me the word and I can get you his number! (I hope you don't mind horribly protruding fangs and the smell of day-old guacamole.)