Xavier vs. alien weirdos.

I hurried into the meeting room and took a seat in the back to hear the next mission from some old drunk in a Superman costume. All eyes turned to look at me.

"Since when do you walk?" Jan demanded.

"Yeah, that wheelchair is part of your whole thing, you know?" said someone else.

"Don't you people read comics?" I asked. "These things come and go. I'm sure I'll be back in my chair in a few months. Now what's the mission?"

Between belches the rummy managed to get out that we had to stop separate alien invasions. I immediately called dibs on stopping the one in New York. It's the one closest to my school where I keep the X-Men. Having your own private army can come in handy sometimes. Such as now, for instance.

I hopped aboard this handy little rocket I found laying around and took off for NYC.



On the way, I contacted my school telepathically. Cyclops, it turns out, was buried deep under the covers of his bed curled up in the fetal position crying about Jean or Emma or Madyline or whoever the hell he's involved with this week. Wolverine was simultaneously battling Hand ninjas in Japan, Sabertooth in Canada and Sentinels in the Savage Land. Storm was having a press conference for Hillary.


The only mutants actually at the school were Generation X. No offense to that team but they're more drama queens than super-heroes. I didn't have time for that soap opera. Clearly I'd need to find other stooges, er, heroes, to fight this battle for me.



I landed the ship on the street in front of 177A Bleecker Street, the Sanctum Sanctorum of Dr. Strange. His man-servant showed me into the parlor where I found the Defenders, the ones who matter anyway, playing Gin. Namor was just laying down his cards with a big gloating smile on his face.
























"Fish Man cheat!" bellowed the Hulk.

"Ha! Your skills at cards match your wits, you pathetic imbecile," retorted Namor.

"Actually Namor," said the Silver Surfer, "you do appear to have two cards tucked into your wrist band." He pointed at Namor's left hand. Namor quickly hid his hand under the table.

"You dare accuse the Prince of Atlantis of cheating?!" Namor roared, flipping the table over. Everyone got to their feet, hands curled into tight fists. Namor threw a devastating punch that sent the Surfer through a wall. The Hulk smashed Namor hard in the chest, sending him through the opposite wall.

I looked over at Dr. Strange questioningly and he just laughed. "All our card games end like this, he said. He mumbled a few words and the walls magically repaired themselves. Namor, Hulk and Surfer all charged towards each other, as if to attack again.

"Er, excuse me gentlemen," I said. They stopped and turned to look at me. "But there is a great crisis placing the city in peril and I need the help of your team."

"We aren't a team!" all four yelled back at once.

"Oh right," I said. "Nonetheless, I need your help."

"Who are you?" Namor asked.

"What? But I'm Charles Xavier."

They all looked at me for a moment. "Where's baldy's chair?" Hulk asked.

"Yes, and why are you wearing that silly cape?" the Surfer added.

"It's a long story. Aliens are invading and -"

Just then a huge explosion from outside on the street shook the building. We all rushed outside and saw an army of robots moving down the block, shooting everything in sight. Great. Robots. My telepathic powers are useless against them.














I looked at the Defenders and pointed at the robots. "Destroy!" I yelled and they all leaped to action. The battle was over rather quickly. Broken metal wreckage lay strewn all over the streets. Maybe I should try and recruit these guys for the X-Men.

Once the ground forces were destroyed, Dr. Strange cast a spell on my rocket tripling it's size. We piled in and took off for the mother ship.











There were several small ships defending it but the Silver Surfer made quick work of them. Hulk leaped from our airlock at the giant space craft and made a big hole for us to enter. More robots heroically threw their imitation lives away by charging at Namor and Hulk. They both seemed to really enjoy smashing the crap out of things.

We soon reached the command center where sat the warlord. She was hot.




















"Do you really think you pathetic humans can stop my plans?" she said with haughty indignation.




"Well, we destroyed your ground army and air fleet," I pointed out, "so my answer would be yes."

The evil hot robot laughed. "That was merely entertainment," she said. "Now I shall execute my real plan. When I push this button a Vorporal Ray will shoot from the Petanium Generator that is the heart of this ship and your entire world will be disintegrated! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

She certainly was a happy robot. I say "was" because Namor picked up a smashed robot's arm and threw it right through her perfect chest. Sparks flew from the wires peeking out as she slowly slumped to the floor making some kind of incoherent clicking sound. It sounded like she said something about not being able to find out the ending to Lost now, but that can't be right.

Strange, Namor, Hulk and I took off in our ship as the Silver Surfer fired some kind of energy blast into the heart of the ship that overloaded the generator. The whole thing exploded into a huge fireball.

Mission Accomplished.