Spaceships, ground troops, monsters, and warlords

I deal with this stuff every day, so naturally I thought this would be a piece of cake. It’s obvious I haven’t been on Earth for very long, and know very little about it. You’ll see why.

First the ships. I had my starfighter with me and to be honest, I was flying loops around these slow moving ships. They hardly moved. I blasted at least six of them clear to oblivion without breaking a sweat. How does Earth defend their space with such ships?

When I landed to help the ground forces I was being shot at with things that made loud bangs and popping noises when it hit. I was told the they were called bullets and if I got hit by one I would be in a world of pain and agony. Try getting your arm cut off by a lightsaber then tell me about pain. I did manage not to get hit by any of them although I had a few close calls. I lost my hat, it got shot right off my head, and my caped looked like Swiss cheese by the time I rammed my way through the troops to the second wave.

Ah, monsters. Yet again, no biggie. There were a lot of them, and there I was, fighting the mask that slipped off eyes when they attacked. Way too easy. I cut through them like air.

And then the evil warlord behind this attack walked out of the smoke and faced me.

“Who are you?” I demanded.

“I’m Justin Timberlake, buddy, and I’m going to own this planet!”



You have got to be putting me on, I thought. This had to be joke. What the *beep*? Earth has evil warlord pop singers? This planet is more strange that I first thought.

“Ok, Christensen, let’s do this!” he shouts.

“Excuse me? What did you call me?” I asked.

“Christensen. You are Hayden Christensen, right? Who cares!!!??? Let’s do this, baby!”

Then he starts dancing, and jumping around me. He was singing something about ‘bringing sexy back’. I think he needs to rethink that one. He tried to elbow me, he missed. Then he tried to slap me, missed that too.

He spins, walked backward on his tones, shimmies around, and comes up with his foot aimed right at my face.

I chopped off his leg.

“OWEEIE! I thought that saber was fake!” he screamed, hopping around. He swungs his microphone stand at my head.

I took off his arm and the mike went flying.

And then he started to cry like a baby. “I give up, dude! I give!” He rolls around on the ground bawling. “AWWWHHHH! You are such a jerk, Christensen! I was just goofin off!”

That did it. I lost it and I don’t care.

I cut off his head.

I swear I heard a million sighs of relief.

Thank to DJK for the pic. I really suck at photoshop.