Operation: China Plate

It was quite an easy plan. Make Tony Stark my China Plate. I don't mean turn him into dinnerware. I mean make him my mate. No I don't mean that either. I mean, to become a good friend of Tony's. Then I mean to get him good and drunk and get him to tell me some sordid tale of super heroes gone wrong. Or better than that the Wasp's phone number. What! The Wasp puts out everyone knows that, c'mon she did Hawkeye.

I had to make sure that it was going to work in my favour so I called in some help.
"Hi! This is Crater. Koma said you were good for some help. I've got to get some dirt on Tony Stark."
"You need to bring Stark down. Count me in." agreed Henchy.

Henchy had a great plan he called in a favour from MODOK.
"How'd you get MODOK in on this?" I asked
"Ahh! once you get him a lap dance he'll do anything." answered Henchy.

'What Lap?'

So MODOK and some AIM flunkies attacked the SHIELD Heli-carrier. Sure enough Stark in his Iron-man suit came out leading the attack. Acting as a tourist who just came upon this battle I offered my assistance. We wiped the floor with the AIM flunkies and after MODOK had escaped Tony came to thank me for my assistance.
"Are you registered?" asked Tony.

"Hey in my country they've had registration for years." I answered showing Tony my Spearhead card.

Then the devious plan kicked into gear. Tony took his helmet off and Henchy who'd been playing possum launched himself at Stark.
"Got you now Stark." screamed Henchy. He grabbed hold of Stark and pointed a blaster at his head.
Then it all went wrong.
"BLAM" Starks head now sported a large hole in it.
"Yeah I got him! I killed Stark!" Henchy screamed in joy. He did a little victory dance and then the SHIELD goons grabbed him. He got loose of the goons and raced off, his cybernetic legs carrying him far into the distance.

"All clear. Yes he's gone sir. Henchman432 took the bait and attacked the LMD. The plan was a complete success." confirms one of the SHIELD goons. "Mr Schnieder the Director will see you now."

Of course it was all a plan to get the confidence of Stark. I'm glad I rang Henchy I would never have come up with this.
Stark thanks me for the tip-off on Henchy and MODOK's attack. He offers me a job as part of his bodyguard. I'm in. Yesssss!
Now you may ask what its like to be in the ontourage of Tony Stark. Its like the President, Bill Gates and George Clooney all rolled into one. He's got the politicians, businessmen and movie stars all eating out of his hands. Every Thursday night is a party and it don't stop till Sunday. Work hard, play hard thats Starks motto.

On Friday night Stark calls me over to his table. He was lounging with one of those Armour groupies. He gestures for me to follow him. Leading me into one of the spare rooms he removes the helmet.
"I'm needed elsewhere. Can you wear the armor for me?" he asks. And then whispers "The girls can't tell who's in it."
"You mean. I could. The girls... whooo! Cause they'll think its you." I sputter out.
"There's only two rules here Warren. Keep off the booze and if you do sleep with the girls keep the armour on. Also if you need some assistance there's some BLUE pills in the armor." He winks. I change into the armor and the nights on.
Party party party, hawt chicks, and well the occasional beer or three. Hey I can hold my beer, I'm Australian.

Then comes the hunger. I'm dying for a kebab. Its a weakness that only comes when I've had just the right amount of beer. I take the party to the closest kebab store. The armor actually plots the fastest course there. Tony your a genius. The armor doesn't have much of an opening for food but with some help I manage to get the kebab down.

However keeping it down was a problem. I think they put a little too much Garlic Sauce. You know how I said that the armor doesn't have enough of an opening to eat. It certainly doesn't have enough to puke either. And I found out the hard way. Of course I didn't realise that wherever Stark is there are camera's so the Daily Bugle's front page was as follows.

Its not real dirt but its dirt.

This was Stark's response when he read the Bugle the next morning.